I got married to Bill Bronner on Saturday, January 16, 1999. On that same day, another couple also got married in Northern California-- and many of our guests were torn about which wedding they should attend.
That other couple was Jean Barnett and Elie Charleton. They had waited much longer than we had to make their love official in a church, so it was fitting that 95 officiants and 1200 guests had come together to honor their nuptials.
Luckily, our friends had decided to attend our wedding rather than Ellie and Jean’s; we had about ⅙ as many guests, and we only had the one officiant! Nonetheless, we were definitely with them in spirit.
We honored their ceremony in our wedding service. In addition to our more traditional vows, the Rev. Frank Wulf had Bill and I repeat the vows that Ruth made to Naomi. “Where you go, I will go. Your people will be my people. Your God will be my God.” The power of those vows were clear to me that day. It is powerful to tie oneself to the people and the God of one’s wedded partner.
My own family of origin is a fractured foundation. For many years, I was truly on my own, struggling and working to make a healthy life. I was blessed to have found friends, both straight and LGBT, who helped to fill the fissures and make my foundation firm. They’ve had my back. When I needed a place to be safe, they sheltered me. When I needed a listening ear, they were nearby. When I was struggling with my call, and finally with ordination, my gay mentors supported me. Frankly, I would likely not be a United Methodist minister without them.
Together we forged an alternative kind of family: Close-knit, accepting, caring, generous, and honest. I came to rely on them for hospitality, for advice, for all kinds of help and support.
Together we forged an alternative kind of family: Close-knit, accepting, caring, generous, and honest. I came to rely on them for hospitality, for advice, for all kinds of help and support.
It is therefore impossible for me to understand how anyone could say that my Lesbian and Gay friends are anything other than God’s sacred people. They have been the agents of God’s spirit all along my path, from my earliest childhood until now. They have affirmed my sacred worth. I can do nothing other than to affirm theirs.
I can do all the arguments from Scripture-- most of us in the church business know them all by heart and, from our respective sides, we can do them in our sleep. If you like, you can join those on hundreds of facebook pages, news posts, and blog entries.
But this post is not about that argument. This is simply my testimony. It is the truth I know from my own life and experience. I can only witness to what I have seen and heard; what I know in my heart to be true.
I could marry, fully and legally, on January 16, 1999.
Elie and Jean could not. At least they could take their vows in front of their friends, and make a witness to the sacred bond between them.
I cannot agree in mind, heart, or spirit with anyone who believes that same-sex attraction is, of itself, a wrong thing. It simply is.
I have watched as my LGBT friends and family endured the injustice of having their relationships treated as wrong; their very being called an abomination. I have seen some of them crumble under the judgement of their families and religions. But more often, I have seen them triumph. They defined themselves rather than allowing unhealthy and cruel systems to define them. They carried on in love, in creating family, in making friends, and in struggling for justice.
Through them I came to learn that their struggles in relationship were identical to mine, excepting in two important ways: They were in love with people of their same gender, AND society did not accept their relationships.
Through them I came to learn that their struggles in relationship were identical to mine, excepting in two important ways: They were in love with people of their same gender, AND society did not accept their relationships.
I am glad now to celebrate with them as we begin to define this new step forward in our nation’s acceptance of who they are.
My son knows from birth what I only discovered as a young adult: That no matter who you love, no matter who your partner may be, we are all humans worthy of being loved and cherished. Despite an individual's unique qualities, we humans are surprisingly similar in life, in love, and before God.
There were at least two weddings on January 16, 1999 for whom the vow Ruth gave to Naomi became a marriage vow.
“Where you go, I will go. Your people will be my people. Your God will be my God.”
Indeed.
